"I Don't Have to"

In our culture there are clear pressures and expectations for the single girl. I’ve strived very much to resist such pressures and to take full advantage of the freedom that I have been given, but like most, I struggle and feel the tension of being something that I am not. Living without expectation for myself, leaving behind things that I do not have to feel and realizing that freedom is an irreplaceable gift has taken time and is a process in which expectation and the mindset of tunnel vision is stripped away.

I’m learning that I am very content in my alone time. I’ve always been fascinated with personality tests and strength tests, but once I discovered the loner test, I felt very validated in my desire to be alone and to protect such time. As I’ve alluded, I am a loner and I very much enjoy being one. A friend of mine and I were talking about why it’s so weird to enjoy alone time and how it seems very odd and against the natural, yet on another level, it feels very natural. It feels unnatural because of our culture, and yet natural because of our innate personality.

Living alone has taught me quite a bit about myself. It has changed how I view my time and caused me to realize that my freedom is a big priority to me. I am one of those people that work hard to keep a distance at times and enjoy my loner qualities. It’s ironic though, I hear a lot of my married friends talk about how they get married and realize how marriage leads them to realize how selfish they are because they go into marriage with expectations and then soon realize that those expectations lead back to selfishness. For me, it’s the opposite kind of lifestyle that leads me to realize how selfish I am. It’s obvious but because I’m single, I don’t have to be considerate of anyone else. While selfishness is one layer of the realization, and is a negative result, the idea of living freely continues to push me towards Christ.

I’ve said before that I do feel bothered by the expectation of the world that pressures me to be in a season that I am not. Shoot. Every time I see my grandma, she asks, “Got a boyfriend yet?” I just shake my head and assure her that I wouldn’t trade my singleness right now. There is sense of freedom gained from such contentment and yet such a tension in allowing my freedom to become an idol. It is much better to submit to living freely and so sweet to realize that the expectations that the world have are things that I do not have to feel. It’s within that phrase “I don’t have to” that has lead me to realize how truly sweet my freedom is.

Walking with Jesus and striving in His presence is a dependable measure for the things that ‘I don’t have to do.’ The world can trick you into thinking that you need to be somewhere else in life or that you need to have certain things. The truth is that Jesus and only Jesus can supply you with everything you need to live freely. Living freely means that I don’t have to compare my life to someone else’s. Living freely means that I don’t have to live up to the world’s expectations for my life. Living freely means that I don’t have to limit myself. And while I will still struggle and selfishness will always be there, it will always lead me to needing Christ, in which I will find that I don’t have to do anything but live freely in Him. What a great realization!

Disclaimer: This article was originally published on theodysseyonline.com but is also found here on my personal blog.